Ana Mukhtoba

The past week and a half has been a struggle. Have you ever seen a cultural adjustment graph? I was at the low point for about a week.

There is so much to say about cultural adjustment. It's hard to adjust to any foreign culture. Adjusting to the culture of a conservative, developing country as a single, independent female is especially challenging. I thought I knew that before I came, but maybe I thought that since I've been to the Middle East before I would be immune to the culture shock. Not so. The two things that have been getting to me the most: how difficult/impossible it is to go anywhere by myself (as a female) and feel comfortable, and constantly being surrounded by people and having no privacy or place to call my own.

It's so hard to find any peace and quiet around here. Part of that is due to the fact that for the first time in my life I live in a big city. Most big cities in America have nice parks where you can find some semi-solitude, but it's much harder to find an appropriate place for sitting or walking or running here. Last week I went for a walk by myself in a park near my school and will probably never go back by myself. Another morning this week I went for an early morning walk through my neighborhood. It was uneventful, but I couldn't relax and lose myself in my thoughts. Anytime I go anywhere by myself here, even in broad daylight, I have to have my guard up and usually deflect at least a couple catcalls. I'm learning to not let it get under my skin, but it's a struggle. My roommate and I had some really bad experiences walking in our neighborhood at night a couple weeks ago. Guys in cars will slow down and try to talk to us while we walk on the sidewalk. It is so, so maddening. Sometimes they just won't go away. I asked my Moroccan friend Marwan what I can say in Arabic next time that happens, and in addition to "go away", he taught me ana muhktoba, which means "I'm engaged". I'm really excited about using that one.

The other thing that's been hard for me is the constant interaction with the same small group of people every day. I love all 24 kids in my program, but I'm used to the huge, beautiful, spacious campus at the University of Alabama. At home there is always somewhere to sit and read or think or listen to music alone. Here, there is one small room at school that is exclusively the break room for study abroad students. I'm in there Monday through Friday for probably at least four hours a day between classes along with half of my classmates. I love people, but I also love having time to myself. Last weekend we took a group trip to Fez and Meknes. It was fun, but I got so claustrophobic in the huge group.

At home, when I'm stressed out or something's wrong, I know how to find an escape. But finding an escape in a foreign country is no small endeavor. It takes a lot of patience and flexibility to figure out what works for me here.

I started really missing a lot of little things about home. I miss long showers. Water is supposedly as expensive as gasoline here, so everyone is only allowed four showers a week. I missing have a freaking shower curtain. I shower in a tub with a hose that I hold and point on myself. I miss my mom's cooking, and pretty much southern cooking in general. I miss homemade chocolate chip cookies and mashed potatoes. I miss big cups of coffee. Everything here is tiny. Cups, cars, houses, shops. I miss grass. So much. I miss green mountains and fields. I miss privacy. There is no concept of privacy here. My roommate and I got home from Fez Sunday evening to find our host mom and her cousin napping in our beds. No big deal.

I know my frustrations are completely normal. I know that as I figure things out here, I'll adapt and find ways to compromise. These experiences are really, really good for me. Basically, living abroad is hard.

To end on a more positive note, I had a quite delightful day today at the Souk (market) and Kesbah (cozy quiet cafe on the water) with two wonderful girls. I bought some nice things and started my second Kindle book. Yesterday I met with the friend of a friend who's studying here on a different program, and that was so refreshing and delightful. And I'm going to church for the first time here tomorrow morning and could not be more excited! I'm super excited about getting involved and meeting people at church. Once I start meeting more people and finding more networks I think I'll feel more at home and less claustrophobic.

Finally, I became a proud aunt for the sixth time on Thursday! Jack Noble Trotter was born happy and healthy to my brother and sister-in-law. I'm so happy for them and I can't wait to meet him!

The little munchkin